A double dose

Once again, these are 2 emails sent to my prayer group in 2009.  For those who have read my blog, you may wonder how it is I can still be struggling with the same issues 3 years later.  Well, so am I!

 

Part 1

For those who do not know, when I send out the prayer list, God sometimes instructs me to share things he has shown me. Many times, I would rather not as it shows a part of me of which I am not too proud. Please forgive my rambling writing but by the time I get to the end, I hope God has a point He wants me to share.

This year has been an emotional roller coaster with my son Waylon and the issues in his life. Adding to that, Waylon has chosen to live with Kristina, a young lady who flat out rubs me the wrong way. It is hard for me to want to be nice to her, however, I do not want to alienate my son. In the mix of things, is the beginning of my ex-husband John and his family coming back into Waylon's life.

Sunday, while cleaning the duck pool, God spoke to me. Picture this, here I am on bended knee, not in prayer but mucky duck poop. God asks me if I have given thanks for Kristina. Of course, I had not. Couldn't think of anything to thank God for regarding her, just want her out of my son's life. I felt like Peter, God asked me 3 times about thanking Him for her being in Waylon's life. The bad news, God showed me the hardness of my heart and my disobedience to give thanks in all things. The good news, I am willing to have heart surgery performed by the Great Physician and the duck pool is so clean it looks brand new.

During the weekend, I was reminded that God had shown me that Waylon and John would be reconciled. At the same time, he pointed out that John was not on the Wednesday prayer list.

Questions: Why I am not praying for John's salvation along with Waylon's? John left me in 1991. I used to pray for him. What happened? Did my desire to forget him and his part in my painful past cause me to harden my heart so much that I no longer prayed for the man who Waylon used to call Dad. Did I want John to suffer because of the pain he caused Waylon when he abandoned him?

WHY DID I QUIT PRAYING FOR JOHN??? WHY DO I FIND IT HARD TO THANK GOD FOR KRISTINA??? God knows the answers better than me.

By now, you are probably wondering what this is all about and would I finally make my point. Truthfully, until I got here in the email, I did not know the point, I was just typing.

God has shown me that I am not participating in the results I am desiring. God directs me to pray for my enemies but while Kristina may not truly be an enemy, she is someone who needs my prayers and my love. I need to thank God for her as she may be the catalyst God uses to answer my prayers regarding Waylon. I need to pray for John as he will be instrumental in Waylon's emotional healing.

I am not sure who needed to this tidbit of information. As I said before, I do relish sharing about my pride issues or the darkness in my heart, but who I am to say no to God!

I should not have to be reminded of my responsibilities as a christian. I should know to give thanks and to pray for those who I consider my enemy. With God's help, my hardened heart and disobedience are hindrances that I am quickly removing.

Part 2

This week, I have been around several individuals for whom we are praying. Did I notice anything different??? Not with them, but with me. God gave me a boldness to do something involving my son's life. You see, while praying for others, God revealed an area in which I was enabling my son. God showed me (again) that when I enable someone, I disable Him. I took a risk and on Sunday, changed things. The risk, my son once again removing himself from my life. I trust God. Waylon's salvation is much more important than me having a relationship with him for a season.

God also showed me how, in another person's life, I was also being a roadblock. It had not been my intention to do that, I wanted to show this person God's love, however, in "my" attempts, I overstepped the bounds God set. You see, I was making this person dependent on me, not on Christ. Once again, decisions had to be made and I willingly stepped back.

Last week, God showed me that I was not participating in the results I desired. This week, He revealed how I was participating wrongly because it was not in the ways He directed.

Will this scatterbrained child of God ever learn?  Yes, she will!