I have spent way too many years, trying to burn the bridges to my past. Just when I think, wheeeew, finally, something grabs my belt loops and pulls me right back into the muck.
Why?? Why can't my past go away? Why does it still hurt? Why do I keep running into the same brick wall? Why won't this anger go away??? I pray, I seek God, I forgive (again and again and again) and I believe I let go, but then WHAM. It's baaaaaaaaaaack.
I want to grow old with somebody, but let's face it, who wants to be strapped with a fixer-upper? I sure don't. Yet, sadly, the fixer-upper is me. I have to live with me everyday and I am not always crazy about myself. Who wants to live with someone, who at times, doesn't want to be touched? Who needs time away (mainly from themselves)? Who see the glass empty when truly it is full?
Looking back, I see how far God has brought me and I am so grateful. My life is filled with God's blessings so what is there to gritch about? Yet, I find myself in these poor pitiful slumps.
I wanted to make a turn in life, to see the good not the bad so I started this blog. I need a place to vent but more importantly, a place to record the blessings of God, Writing makes me more aware of them, makes them more concrete, makes them steps to a more positive outlook.
God, I know you are there even when there is silence. I know you have great plans for my life. Thank you for your faithfulness and your patience.
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