It has been so long since I took time away from work and virtually, my whole habitual life. For more on my upcoming sabbatical, scroll down a couple of posts to "it is almost here".
I am so excited. Sure hope I can sleep.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
It is almost here!!!
I leave Friday from my full time job, go work my part time job and then head to my friend's cabin for my mini sabbatical.
With no phones (cell or land), no tv, no computer and limited opportunities for interruption, I do believe God and I can get back on track. OK, so I am the one who changed tracks and derailed. The point is, I am heading back in the right direction.
While gone, I wanted to communicate with God about my job and my relationship with Waylon. Sunday I got an added issue to talk to God about, Waylon is being tested for liver/colon cancer. With our rocky relationship, not sure he will let me know the results of the test. And yes, I know I can commune with God, anywhere, anytime, however, I need uninterrupted one on one time with Him.
I am taking a craft project with me, magnetic bookmarks. This project has been staring me in the face everyday for 2 years. Of course, it will have to be early morning when I work on it as there is NO AIR CONDITIONING. I think my friends consider me certifiable at spending 10 days in a place with no A/C and close to triple digit temps. Most of my time will be spent in the stock tank staying cool. I am sure God won't mind me staying cool while we chat.
I have loaded up on Joyce Meyer cassettes and cd's to listen to while staying cool. They were freebies at a garage sale so now is a great time to listen to them. With no computer, I cannot listen to Kay Arthur while I am away :(
I have a few goals while I am away.
1. Pray and listen
2. Try to break the Dr. Pepper habit. Not taking any with me and it is too far to town to go get one.
3. Start new eating habits. I have gained 65 pounds and on my short frame, it doesn't look good and more importantly, it is not good for me. At my age, losing those pounds is so much harder. Nine days of healthy eating should do this body good. Granted, I will be gone 10 days but I am splurging and treating myself to shrimp enchiladas when I go in town to replenish my supplies. (Kind of sounds like the old west days)
4. Go walking, although I will have to be careful as it is hilly, very rocky and there are such varmints as snakes, ferel hogs, deer and of course, the sheep and goats that are raised by the owners. No need to get in the way of a barbado ram and his big horns. Thought I would share a few pics of the varmints I downloaded from the internet. I try not to stay around them long enough to take their pic.
I think this should fill my time. I want to come back with a new attitude and the start of a healthier me.
With no phones (cell or land), no tv, no computer and limited opportunities for interruption, I do believe God and I can get back on track. OK, so I am the one who changed tracks and derailed. The point is, I am heading back in the right direction.
While gone, I wanted to communicate with God about my job and my relationship with Waylon. Sunday I got an added issue to talk to God about, Waylon is being tested for liver/colon cancer. With our rocky relationship, not sure he will let me know the results of the test. And yes, I know I can commune with God, anywhere, anytime, however, I need uninterrupted one on one time with Him.
I am taking a craft project with me, magnetic bookmarks. This project has been staring me in the face everyday for 2 years. Of course, it will have to be early morning when I work on it as there is NO AIR CONDITIONING. I think my friends consider me certifiable at spending 10 days in a place with no A/C and close to triple digit temps. Most of my time will be spent in the stock tank staying cool. I am sure God won't mind me staying cool while we chat.
I have loaded up on Joyce Meyer cassettes and cd's to listen to while staying cool. They were freebies at a garage sale so now is a great time to listen to them. With no computer, I cannot listen to Kay Arthur while I am away :(
I have a few goals while I am away.
1. Pray and listen
2. Try to break the Dr. Pepper habit. Not taking any with me and it is too far to town to go get one.
3. Start new eating habits. I have gained 65 pounds and on my short frame, it doesn't look good and more importantly, it is not good for me. At my age, losing those pounds is so much harder. Nine days of healthy eating should do this body good. Granted, I will be gone 10 days but I am splurging and treating myself to shrimp enchiladas when I go in town to replenish my supplies. (Kind of sounds like the old west days)
4. Go walking, although I will have to be careful as it is hilly, very rocky and there are such varmints as snakes, ferel hogs, deer and of course, the sheep and goats that are raised by the owners. No need to get in the way of a barbado ram and his big horns. Thought I would share a few pics of the varmints I downloaded from the internet. I try not to stay around them long enough to take their pic.
rattlesnake - no explanation needed of why I do not want to come across one
I doubt the ranch has any feral hogs this size but thought I would throw in the pic of a big one just for good measure. Feral hogs are taking over Texas and if left in the wild, they can get really big. This one was killed in Brownsville TX.
Although they tend to run when you come around, one just might get a little protective of his lady love.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Sorry boss :(
My car needed repairs so my boss loaned me his hunting truck to use. If he is in town, he will usually give me a ride home but he leaves town today so, after work yesterday he took me to get his truck. It was on the way home, with the sheriff in front of me that I realized his inspection sticker was out. I told him I would be glad to take the truck to get it inspected to save him from trying to squeeze in getting it done on Friday before he heads to the deer lease. Besides, it is no big deal. The car clinic is less than a mile from the office.
Whenever I borrow my boss' truck, I always clean it up as my way of saying thanks. So this morning, while cleaning his truck, I discovered that it was time for an oil change. The car clinic opened at 7:30 am. I took off from work, zipped over to get the inspection and oil change only to discover his insurance card was out of date.
Well, my boss has a clean truck but no inspection sticker and I decided to hold off on the oil change as well.
Sorry boss :( I tried to help you out!
Whenever I borrow my boss' truck, I always clean it up as my way of saying thanks. So this morning, while cleaning his truck, I discovered that it was time for an oil change. The car clinic opened at 7:30 am. I took off from work, zipped over to get the inspection and oil change only to discover his insurance card was out of date.
Well, my boss has a clean truck but no inspection sticker and I decided to hold off on the oil change as well.
Sorry boss :( I tried to help you out!
Friday, August 17, 2012
Murphy's Law
It was just one of those days at work yesterday. Murphy's Law ruled and not with just one of our clients. Order issues, shipping issues, samples shipped to wrong place, ....
1. Do not ask me to add product to an order that has yet to be submitted. Include the product and send in the order. This would have saved me and the order department several hours of trying to find an order we didn't yet have. Talking to someone about an order is not the same as sending in the actual order.
2. When sending out samples, please note the broker number, ship to address and whether or not this is a new order or a revised order, to avoid sending 6 shippers to someone who does not need them and has no freezer space to store them. Again, this not only saves me time but keeps me from having to pacify very upset brokers and customers, as well. And no, they cannot make a 12 hour round trip drive to get the shippers you shipped wrong.
3. No, I did not get the shipping dates and outside storage information. You have known about this conference call for 4 days. Now, you want to review this information with all of us and we have nothing to look at. Oh, yes, I will be more than happy to twiddle my thumbs while you get organized.
4. I am sorry you shipped the wrong case pack to Texas. I am sure our distributor won't mind not having any product to put on the shelf and suffering a loss of sales. Would you like to be the one to share this wonderful bit of news with him??
Makes me extremely grateful for the days that run smooth.
1. Do not ask me to add product to an order that has yet to be submitted. Include the product and send in the order. This would have saved me and the order department several hours of trying to find an order we didn't yet have. Talking to someone about an order is not the same as sending in the actual order.
2. When sending out samples, please note the broker number, ship to address and whether or not this is a new order or a revised order, to avoid sending 6 shippers to someone who does not need them and has no freezer space to store them. Again, this not only saves me time but keeps me from having to pacify very upset brokers and customers, as well. And no, they cannot make a 12 hour round trip drive to get the shippers you shipped wrong.
3. No, I did not get the shipping dates and outside storage information. You have known about this conference call for 4 days. Now, you want to review this information with all of us and we have nothing to look at. Oh, yes, I will be more than happy to twiddle my thumbs while you get organized.
4. I am sorry you shipped the wrong case pack to Texas. I am sure our distributor won't mind not having any product to put on the shelf and suffering a loss of sales. Would you like to be the one to share this wonderful bit of news with him??
Makes me extremely grateful for the days that run smooth.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Suicide
Sunday, my sisterchick Rhonda came to church, something she rarely does anymore. Last year, she lost her daughter to suicide.
During a particular song in church, our pastor broke down and cried. It reminded him of his dear friend whom he had lost to cancer. Dana heart was so big and even 2 years later, his absence in the community is still felt. It was during this time of pastor crying, that Rhonda broke down, grieving her own loss.
This past week, I watched a Godvine video about a young lady who had lost her best guy friend to suicide and how it had spiraled her into despair. Thankfully, she got help. Two statements in her message impacted me.
1. Suicide doesn't just kill you, it also kills the ones you love.
2. Suicide doesn't stop the pain, it just spreads it to those who loves you.
Another friend of mine, a couple of years ago, lost her son to suicide. At that time, my boss shared with me something he had heard, "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem".
I reflect back on all the times I comtemplated suicide, both as young person and as an adult. Although I have many issues in my life (work in progress), I am grateful that suicide is no longer an option. I pray against that for my son, who has also considered suicide. Sadly, his biological father did commit suicide.
My heart aches for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. It is so sad to see so many who are without hope. Over the past 4 years, I have not been able to give hope to others as I was losing mine. However, as I stated in a previous post, I am ready to be a lump of clay. I am ready to give hope to others.
1 Peter 3:14-16
During a particular song in church, our pastor broke down and cried. It reminded him of his dear friend whom he had lost to cancer. Dana heart was so big and even 2 years later, his absence in the community is still felt. It was during this time of pastor crying, that Rhonda broke down, grieving her own loss.
This past week, I watched a Godvine video about a young lady who had lost her best guy friend to suicide and how it had spiraled her into despair. Thankfully, she got help. Two statements in her message impacted me.
1. Suicide doesn't just kill you, it also kills the ones you love.
2. Suicide doesn't stop the pain, it just spreads it to those who loves you.
Another friend of mine, a couple of years ago, lost her son to suicide. At that time, my boss shared with me something he had heard, "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem".
I reflect back on all the times I comtemplated suicide, both as young person and as an adult. Although I have many issues in my life (work in progress), I am grateful that suicide is no longer an option. I pray against that for my son, who has also considered suicide. Sadly, his biological father did commit suicide.
My heart aches for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. It is so sad to see so many who are without hope. Over the past 4 years, I have not been able to give hope to others as I was losing mine. However, as I stated in a previous post, I am ready to be a lump of clay. I am ready to give hope to others.
14 But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. And do not fear their intimidation, and do not be troubled, 15 but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; 16 and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
A Lump of Clay!
I started this blog as Help Me Jesus! I was in a very painful place in my life. So much of my past chomping at my rear, dragging me down. Issues with my mom and my son. My one bright spot, my Roo.
While not everything I have thought or said has made its was to this blog, believe me, there has been much ugliness come out of my mouth. I so thought that part of me was gone but every time I saw my mom, I saw betrayal, I hated her and I took every opportunity to let her know she was nothing more than crap beneath my feet. I took pleasure in making sure she felt every pain I did while growing up in her home. I prided myself on letting her know she was not worthy of my love.
Talk about a battle. Almost daily my chest hurt at the war raging within. At times, I felt like I was on a battlefield, with horses and men tromping all over my heart. It was a very physical pain. I have cussed and screamed at God, shook my puny little fist at Him and called Him a liar. I was ready to walk away from God, from what I considered His lies. He became just someone else promising me that one day I would be whole, that I would be a human being, capable of loving and trusting. Yet, all I could see was an evil puppetmaster, yanking my strings, laughing maniacally while I did his bidding.
I knew I needed Jesus, yet satan's whispered lies became the voice of truth in my head.
In spite of my blatant disrespect and anger, God continued to love on me, to show me His faithfulness. I yo-yoed up and down in my faith, still hurting, still angry, striving to forgive, desiring to forget, I felt guilty that I wanted to wake up one morning and find my mom had died in her sleep so my pain would be gone. For 20 years I have asked God for a family, a godly husband and all He gave me was the one who betrayed me. And then, He allowed Waylon and Roo to be removed from my life. How can God be so cruel?
And yet, I would see the beauty He created in the flowers and the fawns, the sunrises and sunsets. I ate of the bounty He had supplied. I lived in the home and drove the car He had provided.
Amidst the pain and confusion, was the still small of voice of God asking me trust him, to believe that He would turn my ashes into beauty. And so I timidly clung to hope while trying to silence the whispered lies of satan that were running amok in my head.
I grew tired of my christian facade. When you tell people you are trying to overcome the abuse of your childhood, they look at me and think, hey, you are in your fifties, get over it.
One day, while listening to the radio, I happened to hear a radio show with Kay Arthur as the guest speaker. They were discussing her book, When the Hurt Runs Deep. She explained that when people blame God, it is because they do not know his character and suggested people study the first five books of the Bible in order to understand His character. It is funny, that although she has written books, she tells you that the only book you need is the Bible, that all the other books should be tools but not your authority.
When mom moved in, I became an adulterer. I chose to lay in the bed of the world, with anger and hate as my cover. Part of my sabbatical is to renew and strengthen my relationship with Christ, to grab hold of who God is, to once again become a bride of Christ and put my adulterous ways behind me. I want to surrender my all to Him once and for all, to put on the garment of praise. I want to come away from my sabbatical ready to be molded.
I want to be a lump of clay.
While not everything I have thought or said has made its was to this blog, believe me, there has been much ugliness come out of my mouth. I so thought that part of me was gone but every time I saw my mom, I saw betrayal, I hated her and I took every opportunity to let her know she was nothing more than crap beneath my feet. I took pleasure in making sure she felt every pain I did while growing up in her home. I prided myself on letting her know she was not worthy of my love.
Talk about a battle. Almost daily my chest hurt at the war raging within. At times, I felt like I was on a battlefield, with horses and men tromping all over my heart. It was a very physical pain. I have cussed and screamed at God, shook my puny little fist at Him and called Him a liar. I was ready to walk away from God, from what I considered His lies. He became just someone else promising me that one day I would be whole, that I would be a human being, capable of loving and trusting. Yet, all I could see was an evil puppetmaster, yanking my strings, laughing maniacally while I did his bidding.
I knew I needed Jesus, yet satan's whispered lies became the voice of truth in my head.
In spite of my blatant disrespect and anger, God continued to love on me, to show me His faithfulness. I yo-yoed up and down in my faith, still hurting, still angry, striving to forgive, desiring to forget, I felt guilty that I wanted to wake up one morning and find my mom had died in her sleep so my pain would be gone. For 20 years I have asked God for a family, a godly husband and all He gave me was the one who betrayed me. And then, He allowed Waylon and Roo to be removed from my life. How can God be so cruel?
And yet, I would see the beauty He created in the flowers and the fawns, the sunrises and sunsets. I ate of the bounty He had supplied. I lived in the home and drove the car He had provided.
Amidst the pain and confusion, was the still small of voice of God asking me trust him, to believe that He would turn my ashes into beauty. And so I timidly clung to hope while trying to silence the whispered lies of satan that were running amok in my head.
I grew tired of my christian facade. When you tell people you are trying to overcome the abuse of your childhood, they look at me and think, hey, you are in your fifties, get over it.
One day, while listening to the radio, I happened to hear a radio show with Kay Arthur as the guest speaker. They were discussing her book, When the Hurt Runs Deep. She explained that when people blame God, it is because they do not know his character and suggested people study the first five books of the Bible in order to understand His character. It is funny, that although she has written books, she tells you that the only book you need is the Bible, that all the other books should be tools but not your authority.
When mom moved in, I became an adulterer. I chose to lay in the bed of the world, with anger and hate as my cover. Part of my sabbatical is to renew and strengthen my relationship with Christ, to grab hold of who God is, to once again become a bride of Christ and put my adulterous ways behind me. I want to surrender my all to Him once and for all, to put on the garment of praise. I want to come away from my sabbatical ready to be molded.
I want to be a lump of clay.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
A mini sabbatical
I am taking a 10 day mini sabbatical at the end of August, leaving after work on the 31st and returning to work on 9/11. My dear friend has a small ranch (about 1.5 hours drive from my house), just sheep and goats, with a one room cabin. For 10 days, the cabin is mine. They do not live there, just periodically go there for a get away. Julie has assured me the mice have left the cabin. There is no cell phone service and no computers (shouting hallelujah in case you can't hear me) and NO AIR CONDITIONER. To cool down for sleeping, you take a dip in the stock tank (no stock drink out of this one) that is filled with ice cold well water. Hard to imagine triple digit temps yet the ground water is sooooooo very cold. To shower, you step outside to the shower stall.
For 9 of those 10 days, I do not plan to leave the ranch. One of those days, I do plan to come in town, visit the stores, eat shrimp enchiladas for lunch and stock up on fresh veggies for the rest of my visit. I know it is only 14 miles but I have a girdle budget for my time away.
I desire to accomplish just a few things while I am gone. One, REST. Lots of rest. Notice I said rest, not sleep. Sleep may not be much due to the heat and no a/c. I am a morning person and sleeping in just doesn't happen, so looking for some good rest.
My main goal, get on my face before the Lord , refusing to get up until the shackles of my past are broken off my life and every root of bitterness in my heart is destroyed. I want to be so drenched in worship that I can no longer hear the whispered lies of satan. This will also be a time of prayer and fasting for my son.
I went to an estate sale on my way back from working at Davey's. I had not plans to stop but mom gave me some $$$$ to look for a few things. As I was looking at the books (DANGER, DANGER), one of the family members asked if I was looking for something in particular. I mentioned no, but noted they had quite a bit that would do well in our church library that we are establishing. Praise God! They donated 2 boxes of christian books, VHS and dvd's by Joyce Meyer, Max Lucado, Billy Graham, etc. It was the end of the sale and they said they would much rather donate them than have to move them again. Plan on taking some to the ranch with me.
I have worked for Gene since 1996 and while I have had days off, here and there, taking a lengthy vacation just hasn't been possible. Granted, I am only taking off 5 actual work days but 10 days in a row is good for me. I once took off 5 days to go see Waylon in Minnesota. Of course, my boss called me while I was away, which is why I am grateful for no cell phone or computer at the ranch. Monday and Fridays are report days. If I do not pull in the sales data, I lose it. Gene has no more idea than a goose how to get into those programs and do the reports. I got some people at our clients offices, who agreed to pull in my sales data for me, otherwise, I couldn't do this. Ain't God good!!!!
On the side, I want to enjoy laying outside in the cool of the morning. Sure hope the hammock is still usable and hasn't rotted away. I also plan to enjoy, in the heat of the day, a dip in the tank. The tank is about 3.5' tall and 8' around. Hopefully I can put the lounge chair in the tank and sit and enjoy a cold Dr. Pepper and read a good book while becoming more wrinkled than I already am.
Of course, God has been known to change my plans so will see what happens.
For 9 of those 10 days, I do not plan to leave the ranch. One of those days, I do plan to come in town, visit the stores, eat shrimp enchiladas for lunch and stock up on fresh veggies for the rest of my visit. I know it is only 14 miles but I have a girdle budget for my time away.
I desire to accomplish just a few things while I am gone. One, REST. Lots of rest. Notice I said rest, not sleep. Sleep may not be much due to the heat and no a/c. I am a morning person and sleeping in just doesn't happen, so looking for some good rest.
My main goal, get on my face before the Lord , refusing to get up until the shackles of my past are broken off my life and every root of bitterness in my heart is destroyed. I want to be so drenched in worship that I can no longer hear the whispered lies of satan. This will also be a time of prayer and fasting for my son.
I went to an estate sale on my way back from working at Davey's. I had not plans to stop but mom gave me some $$$$ to look for a few things. As I was looking at the books (DANGER, DANGER), one of the family members asked if I was looking for something in particular. I mentioned no, but noted they had quite a bit that would do well in our church library that we are establishing. Praise God! They donated 2 boxes of christian books, VHS and dvd's by Joyce Meyer, Max Lucado, Billy Graham, etc. It was the end of the sale and they said they would much rather donate them than have to move them again. Plan on taking some to the ranch with me.
I have worked for Gene since 1996 and while I have had days off, here and there, taking a lengthy vacation just hasn't been possible. Granted, I am only taking off 5 actual work days but 10 days in a row is good for me. I once took off 5 days to go see Waylon in Minnesota. Of course, my boss called me while I was away, which is why I am grateful for no cell phone or computer at the ranch. Monday and Fridays are report days. If I do not pull in the sales data, I lose it. Gene has no more idea than a goose how to get into those programs and do the reports. I got some people at our clients offices, who agreed to pull in my sales data for me, otherwise, I couldn't do this. Ain't God good!!!!
On the side, I want to enjoy laying outside in the cool of the morning. Sure hope the hammock is still usable and hasn't rotted away. I also plan to enjoy, in the heat of the day, a dip in the tank. The tank is about 3.5' tall and 8' around. Hopefully I can put the lounge chair in the tank and sit and enjoy a cold Dr. Pepper and read a good book while becoming more wrinkled than I already am.
Of course, God has been known to change my plans so will see what happens.
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