Yesterday, I went by the grocery store to see if they had any reduced meat. They did not, however, they did have a bunch of Burt's Bees products on clearance. I love BB products by they are cost prohibitive. Yesterday, I got some great deals plus, got the BB baby products, which I can use for a baby shower in February.
This morning, I went by the grocery store again. Again, no reduced meat, however, they had kids socks, Buzz Lightyear, Dora the Explorer etc for 50¢/pair. Bought every pair they had. I will keep some for Roo and the rest will go to the food pantry for Friday free clothing distribution. All kids need something new.
Thank you Father for blessing me so that I am able to bless others.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Keepin me ridin
Got a lot of stuff done yesterday. Very productive. As tired as I was yesterday, I still rode 10 miles on the bike. Got up this morning and was able to ride 10 miles again, although slower than yesterday.
Thank you Father for keepin me ridin!
Thank you Father for keepin me ridin!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Spring has sprung
The pen came with a cover so when the 100+ days come, we can put a shade over it. Last year, the garden did not produce. We had over 90 days of 100+ temps. The okra never got over about 1 1/2' tall. The heat either killed or stunted everything.
Lord, the garden is in your hands.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Trying to start over
I used to be active although, from not eating properly, I had put on some weight. When you are short like me, 5', the weight gain really shows. Put on 5 lbs and it can look like 10.
So much changed when mom moved in. The economy crunched, so my housesitting outlets pretty much dried up. Having mom in the house, I became depressed, gain 40 pounds and felt my life was over. I can only tolerate being nice to her for so long and then I just want her dead and out of my life. When the economy crunched, we lost one of our clients at work, so I took a paycut. Between loss of side work and regular income, I lost 1/3 of my income. Getting out of my house and away from mom became almost impossible (I have a very tight budget). Bills up, pay down. I have not had a pay raise in 3 years. Granted, I still make more than I would other places in town. My walk with God over the past 3 years had changed and not for the good. I have so much anger towards Him. Why does He want mom in my house? I CAN'T STAND HER! She sucks me dry. Why does He have me in a church with more issues than me??
For the past week, I have determined to spend less time around her. I have stayed in my room, watching lots of Burn Notices, all 45 that were recorded. I have worked on Davey's taxes and my own. I have ridden my stationary bicycle. I am up to 10 miles a day.
I have decided to put me first, my needs, my wants and truthfully, mom can fend for herself. Perhaps if a close the door to her, she will go elsewhere and make some friends and decide to spend time with them. OR IF I AM REALLY LUCKY, SHE WILL MOVE OUT!
Of course, the added stress of having Waylon back in the house and his drug issues, losing sleep while taking care of Roo, who doesn't sleep well, the stress of potentially losing both my full time and part time job by the end of this year as both my bosses are looking to retire and I have gained another 30 pounds. 70 lbs overweight is deadly at my age.
When I decided to get out of the dead church God had me in for mom's sake, I did the church hop. God put me right back in a church with lots of issues. I would much rather go to a different church, but it is too far to drive to the best one in the Hill Country. I can't afford to be wasteful with my gas and as I said, I know I am where God wants me. Believe me, only He knows why.
So, I am looking to start over. The exercise is helping and perhaps one day, I will quit the Dr. Peppers. I drink way tooo many. I joined a dating site, although presently, my only suitors have been scammers. This area is not known for single christian men my age. In fact, since I have been single, God has not put me in a church where there are any single men. My friends, almost all married, only seem know married men and fixer-uppers and I am the fixer-upper in a relationship. It is funny, but right after I date a guy, then he ends up marrying the next woman he dates. That bodes well for my self esteem :). I have a single friend who does not want to be around me too much because she says she doesn't want to end of being single for 20 years like me. I am a reminder of what she doesn't want. Gee thanks! My single friends (perhaps they should be called acquaintances), only come around when they do not have a man in their life. Right now, I am the only one, still by myself.
OK, so I have gotten back into exercising and now it is time to find some single friends, my age. The church I attend, has 2 single women my age. One of them is the one who says I am a reminder of what she doesn't want. She is in a relationship that is not good. The other woman my age is like me, she works more than one job and helps with her grandchildren. Our opportunities to get together are rare.
As for my relationship with God. He has opened His arms and welcomed me back. I missed His hugs.
Not sure where to meet new people, other than at church, but I have got to get away from mom. I do get tired of doing things by myself and mom is no longer going to be a part of my doing things. The more she is with me, the more dependent on me she becomes as her source of communication, her cheerleader etc. Not gonna be that for her anymore. It is killing me!
For too many years, I have allowed myself to be people's options, etc, just having me in their life at their convenience, but no more.
I got a new attitude, well, at least working on getting one!
Well, I will see how long this starting over thing lasts!
So much changed when mom moved in. The economy crunched, so my housesitting outlets pretty much dried up. Having mom in the house, I became depressed, gain 40 pounds and felt my life was over. I can only tolerate being nice to her for so long and then I just want her dead and out of my life. When the economy crunched, we lost one of our clients at work, so I took a paycut. Between loss of side work and regular income, I lost 1/3 of my income. Getting out of my house and away from mom became almost impossible (I have a very tight budget). Bills up, pay down. I have not had a pay raise in 3 years. Granted, I still make more than I would other places in town. My walk with God over the past 3 years had changed and not for the good. I have so much anger towards Him. Why does He want mom in my house? I CAN'T STAND HER! She sucks me dry. Why does He have me in a church with more issues than me??
For the past week, I have determined to spend less time around her. I have stayed in my room, watching lots of Burn Notices, all 45 that were recorded. I have worked on Davey's taxes and my own. I have ridden my stationary bicycle. I am up to 10 miles a day.
I have decided to put me first, my needs, my wants and truthfully, mom can fend for herself. Perhaps if a close the door to her, she will go elsewhere and make some friends and decide to spend time with them. OR IF I AM REALLY LUCKY, SHE WILL MOVE OUT!
Of course, the added stress of having Waylon back in the house and his drug issues, losing sleep while taking care of Roo, who doesn't sleep well, the stress of potentially losing both my full time and part time job by the end of this year as both my bosses are looking to retire and I have gained another 30 pounds. 70 lbs overweight is deadly at my age.
When I decided to get out of the dead church God had me in for mom's sake, I did the church hop. God put me right back in a church with lots of issues. I would much rather go to a different church, but it is too far to drive to the best one in the Hill Country. I can't afford to be wasteful with my gas and as I said, I know I am where God wants me. Believe me, only He knows why.
So, I am looking to start over. The exercise is helping and perhaps one day, I will quit the Dr. Peppers. I drink way tooo many. I joined a dating site, although presently, my only suitors have been scammers. This area is not known for single christian men my age. In fact, since I have been single, God has not put me in a church where there are any single men. My friends, almost all married, only seem know married men and fixer-uppers and I am the fixer-upper in a relationship. It is funny, but right after I date a guy, then he ends up marrying the next woman he dates. That bodes well for my self esteem :). I have a single friend who does not want to be around me too much because she says she doesn't want to end of being single for 20 years like me. I am a reminder of what she doesn't want. Gee thanks! My single friends (perhaps they should be called acquaintances), only come around when they do not have a man in their life. Right now, I am the only one, still by myself.
OK, so I have gotten back into exercising and now it is time to find some single friends, my age. The church I attend, has 2 single women my age. One of them is the one who says I am a reminder of what she doesn't want. She is in a relationship that is not good. The other woman my age is like me, she works more than one job and helps with her grandchildren. Our opportunities to get together are rare.
As for my relationship with God. He has opened His arms and welcomed me back. I missed His hugs.
Not sure where to meet new people, other than at church, but I have got to get away from mom. I do get tired of doing things by myself and mom is no longer going to be a part of my doing things. The more she is with me, the more dependent on me she becomes as her source of communication, her cheerleader etc. Not gonna be that for her anymore. It is killing me!
For too many years, I have allowed myself to be people's options, etc, just having me in their life at their convenience, but no more.
I got a new attitude, well, at least working on getting one!
Well, I will see how long this starting over thing lasts!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Questions with perhaps no answers
I have spent way too many years, trying to burn the bridges to my past. Just when I think, wheeeew, finally, something grabs my belt loops and pulls me right back into the muck.
Why?? Why can't my past go away? Why does it still hurt? Why do I keep running into the same brick wall? Why won't this anger go away??? I pray, I seek God, I forgive (again and again and again) and I believe I let go, but then WHAM. It's baaaaaaaaaaack.
I want to grow old with somebody, but let's face it, who wants to be strapped with a fixer-upper? I sure don't. Yet, sadly, the fixer-upper is me. I have to live with me everyday and I am not always crazy about myself. Who wants to live with someone, who at times, doesn't want to be touched? Who needs time away (mainly from themselves)? Who see the glass empty when truly it is full?
Looking back, I see how far God has brought me and I am so grateful. My life is filled with God's blessings so what is there to gritch about? Yet, I find myself in these poor pitiful slumps.
I wanted to make a turn in life, to see the good not the bad so I started this blog. I need a place to vent but more importantly, a place to record the blessings of God, Writing makes me more aware of them, makes them more concrete, makes them steps to a more positive outlook.
God, I know you are there even when there is silence. I know you have great plans for my life. Thank you for your faithfulness and your patience.
Why?? Why can't my past go away? Why does it still hurt? Why do I keep running into the same brick wall? Why won't this anger go away??? I pray, I seek God, I forgive (again and again and again) and I believe I let go, but then WHAM. It's baaaaaaaaaaack.
I want to grow old with somebody, but let's face it, who wants to be strapped with a fixer-upper? I sure don't. Yet, sadly, the fixer-upper is me. I have to live with me everyday and I am not always crazy about myself. Who wants to live with someone, who at times, doesn't want to be touched? Who needs time away (mainly from themselves)? Who see the glass empty when truly it is full?
Looking back, I see how far God has brought me and I am so grateful. My life is filled with God's blessings so what is there to gritch about? Yet, I find myself in these poor pitiful slumps.
I wanted to make a turn in life, to see the good not the bad so I started this blog. I need a place to vent but more importantly, a place to record the blessings of God, Writing makes me more aware of them, makes them more concrete, makes them steps to a more positive outlook.
God, I know you are there even when there is silence. I know you have great plans for my life. Thank you for your faithfulness and your patience.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Rested and rain
It only took me 3 nights of sleep to finally get rested from Roo's visit. Love having my energy back. Perhaps I can get caught up here at work and then go home and start sewing my quilt squares again.
We had severe storms last night. The worst hit east of us in Austin. The news was reporting flooding conditions this morning. Several people already had to be rescued from either their homes or vehicles. Power is out in many places. Thankfully, our temps are only in the 50's so people just need to bundle up a little to stay warm Last I heard, some places in Austin had received 6" of rain.
Areas west of us could sure use the rain. We need the upper waterways to start flowing this way in order to fill our lakes. Sure would like to be able to go fishing this year. Not a single boat dock is in the water right now except on Lake LBJ, which is more of a recreational than fishing lake. My favorite fishing lake, Buchanan was down 23' and Lake Travis is still down about 54' at main pooling area.
Father, thank you for restoring my energy. I can't thank you enough for this cleansing and replenishing rain.
We had severe storms last night. The worst hit east of us in Austin. The news was reporting flooding conditions this morning. Several people already had to be rescued from either their homes or vehicles. Power is out in many places. Thankfully, our temps are only in the 50's so people just need to bundle up a little to stay warm Last I heard, some places in Austin had received 6" of rain.
Areas west of us could sure use the rain. We need the upper waterways to start flowing this way in order to fill our lakes. Sure would like to be able to go fishing this year. Not a single boat dock is in the water right now except on Lake LBJ, which is more of a recreational than fishing lake. My favorite fishing lake, Buchanan was down 23' and Lake Travis is still down about 54' at main pooling area.
Father, thank you for restoring my energy. I can't thank you enough for this cleansing and replenishing rain.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Rain!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! So refreshing.
Thank you Father for the rain that cleanses and replenishes.
Thank you Father for the rain that cleanses and replenishes.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Baggage
Read an interesting quote: "It is important to remember that we all have baggage from our past......Love is accepting that baggage and then helping them unpack."
I'm looking for a good man to help unpack a UHAUL :)
I'm looking for a good man to help unpack a UHAUL :)
CW
Thanks again CW for your post on letting go. I have been mulling it over, allowing it to penetrate and am leaving the results to God. I am willing.
A statement I heard in the beginnings of my walk with Jesus sure applies here. "Lord, if I am not willing, at least let me be willing, to be made willing."
Thank you Father, for the blessing of CW's written words that you are using to speak to me. Thank you Father, for his words of hope and encouragement and for allowing himself to be used by you.
A statement I heard in the beginnings of my walk with Jesus sure applies here. "Lord, if I am not willing, at least let me be willing, to be made willing."
Thank you Father, for the blessing of CW's written words that you are using to speak to me. Thank you Father, for his words of hope and encouragement and for allowing himself to be used by you.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Roo time
Kristina brought Roo one day early. Her grandfather is very sick and she told Waylon she was going to take Roo with her and that he could have him another weekend (like that would really happen). Anyway, her mom said that a hospital was no place for a very active 2 year old and suggested Kristina leave Roo with Waylon. Thank you DeeDee.
Anyway, when I got home I had a wonderful surprise of finding Roo waiting for me at the door. Nothing like being loved on by him to make my day so much better. Poor little guy had night terrors all night. Lord touch him in the innermost places and remove those things disturb his sleep.
Thank you Father, for the gift of Roo.
Anyway, when I got home I had a wonderful surprise of finding Roo waiting for me at the door. Nothing like being loved on by him to make my day so much better. Poor little guy had night terrors all night. Lord touch him in the innermost places and remove those things disturb his sleep.
Thank you Father, for the gift of Roo.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Venting time
Okey dokey. It is venting time.
Since mom moved in, I have been on an emotional roller coaster, put on 60 pounds and found myself with a chronic case of the "poor me". I can't even stand to be around me any more.
It only took me 3 years to tell my mom to quit suffocating me. We have not ever had a close relationship and although I thought I had forgiven her, when she moved in, all I could see was her betrayal, her lack of care and protection for me. I think hate would mildy explain my feelings toward her. I still do not understand why God put her in my home. Something He and I discuss a lot or should I say, something I rant to Him about alot.
Mom thinks I want to spend all my time with her. I can't go outside without her following me. I cannot be in my room, without her coming to check on me every 10-15 minutes. I cannot have a private phone conversation. I cannot leave the house without her thinking I want her to come with me. She has even been known to walk in while I am taking a shower. In a not so nice way, I finally told her to get her own life or move out. I need to breathe. Having Waylon move in has only made it worse. She does not want me to spend time alone with him or with my grandson, even though she gets those opportunties. She is very jealous of my time. Waylon works nights so I rarely get to see him. He is just getting up when I head off to bed. I am at work when he is getting off and of course, he is in bed when I get home from work. Mom used to complain that grandmama never gave her time alone with my sister and me yet she is doing the same thing.
I must confess, that there are times I do not go to church just so I can have 2 hours in my house, alone. And if she has even the slightest inkling I am not going to church, she stays home too. CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING!!!!!!!
I have tried to be understanding of the fact she has never lived on her own and does not know how to be by herself. She still drives so I have encouraged her to get more involved with her church family, to be with people her age. Just because she gave up her life for her parents, doesn't mean I am going to give up mine for her. Besides, she was retired when my grandmother moved in with her. She was only stuck with grandmama a few years. Longevity runs in our family and if that stays true, I am stuck with this woman, in my home for 20 years. GOD HELP ME!!
I know there should be a blessing having her alive and in my home but right now, I can't see it.
The way my house is designed, all bedrooms open off the living room. There is no hallway, which means there is no sound buffer. If the TV is on in the living room, you can hear it in every room. The living room, kitchen and dining room are virtually one room. I quit having breakfast at home as turning on the light and cooking wakes my mom. I do not watch news, Joyce Meyer, etc, as it wakes my mom. And when she wakes, she thinks she should come in and spend time with me.
Over Christmas, I spent $5 and bought an old stationary bike (70's). It makes a lot of noise, even after tightening and oiling everything. I decided, what the heck. I get up in the morning, I turn on the lights, I ride the bike. My mom can sleep throughout the day if she wants, plus she does not care if I am trying to sleep while she watches TV or reads ( the light in the living room shines in my room). Ouch! I sound like such a not so nice person. I do not ride the bike at night as my son is sleeping and he needs his rest before he goes to work. For those who do not know, yes, I could close my door but the owner who had the a/c / heater combo installed, did not do it correctly, so if my door is closed, all other rooms in the house do not get the a/c or heat distributed as it should.
Normally, I ride 1-3 miles. This morning, since I was able to breathe, I rode 5 miles. Perhaps as I get to feeling better about myself, I will develop a new attitude. I hope so. I want to like being around myself again.
Thank you Father for not giving up on your rebellious child named Alisa.
Since mom moved in, I have been on an emotional roller coaster, put on 60 pounds and found myself with a chronic case of the "poor me". I can't even stand to be around me any more.
It only took me 3 years to tell my mom to quit suffocating me. We have not ever had a close relationship and although I thought I had forgiven her, when she moved in, all I could see was her betrayal, her lack of care and protection for me. I think hate would mildy explain my feelings toward her. I still do not understand why God put her in my home. Something He and I discuss a lot or should I say, something I rant to Him about alot.
Mom thinks I want to spend all my time with her. I can't go outside without her following me. I cannot be in my room, without her coming to check on me every 10-15 minutes. I cannot have a private phone conversation. I cannot leave the house without her thinking I want her to come with me. She has even been known to walk in while I am taking a shower. In a not so nice way, I finally told her to get her own life or move out. I need to breathe. Having Waylon move in has only made it worse. She does not want me to spend time alone with him or with my grandson, even though she gets those opportunties. She is very jealous of my time. Waylon works nights so I rarely get to see him. He is just getting up when I head off to bed. I am at work when he is getting off and of course, he is in bed when I get home from work. Mom used to complain that grandmama never gave her time alone with my sister and me yet she is doing the same thing.
I must confess, that there are times I do not go to church just so I can have 2 hours in my house, alone. And if she has even the slightest inkling I am not going to church, she stays home too. CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING!!!!!!!
I have tried to be understanding of the fact she has never lived on her own and does not know how to be by herself. She still drives so I have encouraged her to get more involved with her church family, to be with people her age. Just because she gave up her life for her parents, doesn't mean I am going to give up mine for her. Besides, she was retired when my grandmother moved in with her. She was only stuck with grandmama a few years. Longevity runs in our family and if that stays true, I am stuck with this woman, in my home for 20 years. GOD HELP ME!!
I know there should be a blessing having her alive and in my home but right now, I can't see it.
The way my house is designed, all bedrooms open off the living room. There is no hallway, which means there is no sound buffer. If the TV is on in the living room, you can hear it in every room. The living room, kitchen and dining room are virtually one room. I quit having breakfast at home as turning on the light and cooking wakes my mom. I do not watch news, Joyce Meyer, etc, as it wakes my mom. And when she wakes, she thinks she should come in and spend time with me.
Over Christmas, I spent $5 and bought an old stationary bike (70's). It makes a lot of noise, even after tightening and oiling everything. I decided, what the heck. I get up in the morning, I turn on the lights, I ride the bike. My mom can sleep throughout the day if she wants, plus she does not care if I am trying to sleep while she watches TV or reads ( the light in the living room shines in my room). Ouch! I sound like such a not so nice person. I do not ride the bike at night as my son is sleeping and he needs his rest before he goes to work. For those who do not know, yes, I could close my door but the owner who had the a/c / heater combo installed, did not do it correctly, so if my door is closed, all other rooms in the house do not get the a/c or heat distributed as it should.
Normally, I ride 1-3 miles. This morning, since I was able to breathe, I rode 5 miles. Perhaps as I get to feeling better about myself, I will develop a new attitude. I hope so. I want to like being around myself again.
Thank you Father for not giving up on your rebellious child named Alisa.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
A beautiful day in the neighborhood
Another gorgeous 70 degree day. Too bad there is so much cedar in the air. Roo comes Thursday and according to the weather forecast, the days will be warm enough for him to play outside.
Father, thank you for warm weather on the days we have Roo.
Father, thank you for warm weather on the days we have Roo.
Monday, January 16, 2012
My blessings
I am getting excited. Roo will be here on Thursday. CW's post made me think back on a special blessing. Kris (Waylon's ex) wanted nothing to do with me. I was not sure I would even be allowed around for the delivery. God so blessed me. Kris' mom, sister etc had decided to go get something to eat. Waylon asked me to hold Devon while they cleaned Kristina up before the rest of her family came to visit. I was blessed with 20 minutes to not only hold my Roo but to pray over him within the first hour of his birth.
This is Roo and me. We have been calling me mamaw to differentiate me from Roo's other grandmothers. However, I felt whatever he wanted to call me would be ok. For now, he calls me MoMo. I should be grateful it is not MooMoo.
Here is one of my favorite pics, Waylon and Roo.
Father, thank you for the blessing of Waylon and Roo.
This is Roo and me. We have been calling me mamaw to differentiate me from Roo's other grandmothers. However, I felt whatever he wanted to call me would be ok. For now, he calls me MoMo. I should be grateful it is not MooMoo.
Here is one of my favorite pics, Waylon and Roo.
Father, thank you for the blessing of Waylon and Roo.
Children's hearts
After having lazed about for 2 days, I believe I am on the mend. My head is less stuffy and I can sleep without coughing. It was a gorgeous day yesterday but I decided not to risk being attacked by the cedar and stayed inside. I mainly dozed, read and watched movies. What I really wanted to do was to sew my quilt squares but my eyes couldn't handle the brightness coming through the window. I have so many quilts I want to make this year and I feel like I am losing ground everyday I do not sew at least one row of squares. With Devon coming Thursday, my time after work and on the weekend, will be spent with him (no complaints here). Just praying God renews my energy so I can enjoy playing with him.
My fellow blogger, CW, wrote a great post Sunday: http://humbleauthorbsp.blogspot.com/2012/01/sunday-message.html. It reminded me of how I pray for Devon and his heart. Devon is being raised in a home with an unstable mother. I pray a hedge of protection around him, both spiritually and physically. I also pray for his innocence in a world that forces children to grow up way toooo fast.
When Devon was an infant, I started singing to quiet him. For those who know my singing, he did quiet down just to hush me up :) Anyway, I personalized Jesus loves to me to Jesus loves Roo. Even today, at the ripe age of almost 2 1/2, when he is fussy, I can start singing that song and it calms him down. My neighbor, who is like another great grandma to Roo, gave him a cassette of children singing Bible songs. At night, Roo can be all fussy about going to bed but as soon as Jesus Loves Me comes on, he quiets down. Last time, he started to sing with the song. One day, I know I will understand what he is singing.
While I try not to feel quilt over my past, I do have a regret or two. One of them is that I wished I had been a Christian when I was a foster parent. I was married at the time and we both knew what it was to grow up in homes without love. When we chose the age of children we wanted, we asked for teenage boys, the most unwanted of all foster children. Later, when we worked at a children's home, we had both teenage girls and boys. While I gave the kids love and guidance, what I did not give them was Jesus. When I became a Christian, I started praying for them just like I did my own son. Today, I know that 3 of my former boys at the children's home have accepted Christ as their Lord and Saviour.
Waylon, my only child, is 33 and continues to reject Christ. He was a teenager when I came to Jesus. I know I did not pray for him as a child and I am not sure there was anyone praying for him. As a Christian, I am extremely grateful for those who pray for him.
If you read this CW, I encourage you to continue to pray for the hearts of those kids. Very early in my Christian walk, someone told me I should pray for someone as if I am the only person praying for them. She is right. You really do not know if there is anyone else praying for a person.
Thank you Lord for children.
My fellow blogger, CW, wrote a great post Sunday: http://humbleauthorbsp.blogspot.com/2012/01/sunday-message.html. It reminded me of how I pray for Devon and his heart. Devon is being raised in a home with an unstable mother. I pray a hedge of protection around him, both spiritually and physically. I also pray for his innocence in a world that forces children to grow up way toooo fast.
When Devon was an infant, I started singing to quiet him. For those who know my singing, he did quiet down just to hush me up :) Anyway, I personalized Jesus loves to me to Jesus loves Roo. Even today, at the ripe age of almost 2 1/2, when he is fussy, I can start singing that song and it calms him down. My neighbor, who is like another great grandma to Roo, gave him a cassette of children singing Bible songs. At night, Roo can be all fussy about going to bed but as soon as Jesus Loves Me comes on, he quiets down. Last time, he started to sing with the song. One day, I know I will understand what he is singing.
While I try not to feel quilt over my past, I do have a regret or two. One of them is that I wished I had been a Christian when I was a foster parent. I was married at the time and we both knew what it was to grow up in homes without love. When we chose the age of children we wanted, we asked for teenage boys, the most unwanted of all foster children. Later, when we worked at a children's home, we had both teenage girls and boys. While I gave the kids love and guidance, what I did not give them was Jesus. When I became a Christian, I started praying for them just like I did my own son. Today, I know that 3 of my former boys at the children's home have accepted Christ as their Lord and Saviour.
Waylon, my only child, is 33 and continues to reject Christ. He was a teenager when I came to Jesus. I know I did not pray for him as a child and I am not sure there was anyone praying for him. As a Christian, I am extremely grateful for those who pray for him.
If you read this CW, I encourage you to continue to pray for the hearts of those kids. Very early in my Christian walk, someone told me I should pray for someone as if I am the only person praying for them. She is right. You really do not know if there is anyone else praying for a person.
Thank you Lord for children.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Work to be done
Saturday morning I awoke with energy. I got my laundry done, sewed a few quilt squares, updated Davey's computer (yep, brought it home with me) and took care of some small but necessary tasks. By noon, I was running fever and just worn out. I had gotten some freebie magazines at the thrift store so I lazed in my chaise, watch a movie and read magazines. Why do I feel so quilty for resting???
Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I remembered the office work I brought home, that needs to be done before Gene leaves for Salt Lake early Monday morning.
Lord, I will not be able to accomplish this work under my own strength, I need yours.
Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I remembered the office work I brought home, that needs to be done before Gene leaves for Salt Lake early Monday morning.
Lord, I will not be able to accomplish this work under my own strength, I need yours.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Sleep
Finally, a good nights sleep. Still congested but then cedar was at 9,555 yesterday, the highest of the season.
Thank you Lord for the good nights sleep, the warm bed and a hot shower this morning. I pray I do not take for granted the blessings of my life.
Thank you Lord for the good nights sleep, the warm bed and a hot shower this morning. I pray I do not take for granted the blessings of my life.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
A good lunch
This cedar fever is hanging on. Just when I think I can breathe again, my head stops up. Sleep evades me.
Today, out of pity or the fact he thought I needed brain food, my boss treated me to a steak for lunch.
Thank you Lord for a good boss!
Today, out of pity or the fact he thought I needed brain food, my boss treated me to a steak for lunch.
Thank you Lord for a good boss!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Gorgeous Day
It is an absolutely gorgeous 78 degree day. Thank you Lord!
Tomorrow, jeans and longhandles will be my attire along with a really warm sweater. Highs only in the 40's.
Tomorrow, jeans and longhandles will be my attire along with a really warm sweater. Highs only in the 40's.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Broken Heart
Jesus, my heart is broken. Although I have suspected it for some time, there is proof my son continues with drugs. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, January 9, 2012
A Sunday Blessing
Saturday, Cedar Fever hit with a vengeance and even though I awoke feeling much better yesterday, by the time Gloria and her kids got there, my fever was rising. Cedar fever season is not my friend.
We had a beautiful day outside. Waylon grilled hamburgers and the kids, Gloria's 4, ages 4-15 and Roo, age 2, all played well together. Roo so enjoyed all the older kids. Waylon and I took turns pitching to Devon and Gloria's son Dominic. 2 balls and 2 bats could get a little complicated and confusing but oh the fun.
By the time they left, I was ready to turn in. My fever was up over 100 and once again, my throat was on fire. Yeah, I know, being outside was not a good idea but it was worth it to enjoy the day with the kids. Such fun!!
Roo was so funny. It was evident that he was very tired when Waylon left about 6:30 to take Gloria and her kids home. Roo wanted to watch his favorite movie, The Tangerine Bear, so I popped it in and then got about cleaning the house. I looked in to see how he was doing (about 5 min after I started the movie) and he was sitting on the floor, with his head hanging down, asleep. I got him in bed and when I left for work this morning (before 6am), he was still zonked out.
Thank you Lord for the blessing of this day, time with friends and family and much laughter.
We had a beautiful day outside. Waylon grilled hamburgers and the kids, Gloria's 4, ages 4-15 and Roo, age 2, all played well together. Roo so enjoyed all the older kids. Waylon and I took turns pitching to Devon and Gloria's son Dominic. 2 balls and 2 bats could get a little complicated and confusing but oh the fun.
By the time they left, I was ready to turn in. My fever was up over 100 and once again, my throat was on fire. Yeah, I know, being outside was not a good idea but it was worth it to enjoy the day with the kids. Such fun!!
Roo was so funny. It was evident that he was very tired when Waylon left about 6:30 to take Gloria and her kids home. Roo wanted to watch his favorite movie, The Tangerine Bear, so I popped it in and then got about cleaning the house. I looked in to see how he was doing (about 5 min after I started the movie) and he was sitting on the floor, with his head hanging down, asleep. I got him in bed and when I left for work this morning (before 6am), he was still zonked out.
Thank you Lord for the blessing of this day, time with friends and family and much laughter.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Spring in the middle of winter
Father, thank you for this gloriously warm day, more springlike than wintery. Some of mom's flowers are blooming. Perhaps those plants are so grateful for the sun that they have burst forth in bloom. Of course, I like to think they are blooming just for me.
We came through such a desolate summer, the drought conditions so severe that wildflowers burned before they bloomed and here it is, winter and life is all around.
Thank you Father, for the sunshine that brightens my day and brings forth life.
We came through such a desolate summer, the drought conditions so severe that wildflowers burned before they bloomed and here it is, winter and life is all around.
Thank you Father, for the sunshine that brightens my day and brings forth life.
The Blind Quilter
I watched the original program when it aired. It had totally slipped my mind until a friend sent me the following link. What a blessing!!!! Take the time to watch and be encouraged.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=7lfaSmDxVZQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=7lfaSmDxVZQ
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Waylon
I love my son. I just pray that one day Waylon will accept Christ as his Lord and Saviour. Waylon had just turned 13 when I came to Christ. He saw firsthand how Christ can change a life. Sadly, he has also witnessed first hand how someone can fall miserably back into their old patterns of life, even after 20 years.
Father, please let Waylon see, not only my screwups but Your divine touch in taking messes and making them messages.
Father, please let Waylon see, not only my screwups but Your divine touch in taking messes and making them messages.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Gratitude
Way too many times I get bogged down in the daily garbage of life. I need to remember to be grateful for God's daily provisions, like getting home early and getting a huge hug from my grandson. Roo, you are a treasure!! I will miss you when you have to go back to your mom's. I pray, God will bring you to one day live in our home. Oh, I am not crazy, I know you are only 2 and can't read but one day, perhaps you will read about how much joy you bring to my life.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Flannel rag quilts
I went to the thrift store and got quite a few flannel sheets and pillowcases. Time to get sewing. Waylon's girlfriend has 4 kids and things are looking pretty serious between them. Think I will get a jumpstart on making quilts for their Christmas present.
The first rag quilt I made, I sent to Waylon when he lived in Minnesota. He told me it smelled like home to him and that he never wanted to wash it. When he moved back to Texas, he made a request for a bigger one, one he could really wrap up in. The first one is more like a lap cover 49" wide x 63" long. The second quilt I made him was about the size of a twin bedspread. My friends all contributed scripture and agreed to pray those scriptures over my son's life. When Waylon met Kristina, she declared the quilt hers so I made Waylon one more quilt. When they got a divorce, all 3 quilts came to my house with him. One day, Waylon's brother-in-law was at the house with him. JT made a comment about the quilt (2nd one) and how everyone loved to use that quilt when spending the night with Waylon and Kristina. JT said it always made him sleep better. I finally shared about the scriptures I had put on every piece of batting in the squares.
Quilts remind me so much of God's love for me. Putting a quilt about my shoulders is like getting a big hug from God. Not to mention that the flannel is so soft and warm, just like God's love for me.
In case I haven't told you lately, Jesus I love you!
The first rag quilt I made, I sent to Waylon when he lived in Minnesota. He told me it smelled like home to him and that he never wanted to wash it. When he moved back to Texas, he made a request for a bigger one, one he could really wrap up in. The first one is more like a lap cover 49" wide x 63" long. The second quilt I made him was about the size of a twin bedspread. My friends all contributed scripture and agreed to pray those scriptures over my son's life. When Waylon met Kristina, she declared the quilt hers so I made Waylon one more quilt. When they got a divorce, all 3 quilts came to my house with him. One day, Waylon's brother-in-law was at the house with him. JT made a comment about the quilt (2nd one) and how everyone loved to use that quilt when spending the night with Waylon and Kristina. JT said it always made him sleep better. I finally shared about the scriptures I had put on every piece of batting in the squares.
Quilts remind me so much of God's love for me. Putting a quilt about my shoulders is like getting a big hug from God. Not to mention that the flannel is so soft and warm, just like God's love for me.
In case I haven't told you lately, Jesus I love you!
My Journey with Jesus
2012 slipped in quietly at my house. Roo and I were tucked into our beds, while visions of who knows what, danced through our heads. Waylon was sickly and mom was prickly (Roo wears her down pretty fast).
The sermon at church was awesome, just what I needed to hear to get my rear in gear. My neighbor, Joan, came over for a lunch of chile verde and then we had Roo's Christmas. What a delight!
This morning, I headed to H.E.B. to buy breakfasts and lunches for the week. I hit the reduced meat bonanza: 1 pkg Beef Flank steak kit, 5 - 1.5# pcks Natural Angus ground meat, 1 pk - 1.5# Extra Lean ground meat, 5 - 3+ lbs ground meat, 6 - 1.5# pks ground meat, 3 pks chicken hearts and 1 pck chicken necks - all for $37.46 or $1.00/lb for meat. THANK YOU JESUS! I will make some meatloafs and salisbury steak to put in the freezer for families who have illness, etc, some ground meat will go to families in need. One friend and I will swap some ground meat for her farm fresh eggs. Sorry guys but the chicken hearts are all mine. LOVE THEM!!
God and I have been at odds over some things happening in my life and I have allowed the whispers of satan to override God's truth. When I hit the meat bonanza this morning, God showed me that in spite of my acting like a brat, He still loves me, He cares about my needs and He knows my hurt heart will heal.
I love you Lord!
The sermon at church was awesome, just what I needed to hear to get my rear in gear. My neighbor, Joan, came over for a lunch of chile verde and then we had Roo's Christmas. What a delight!
This morning, I headed to H.E.B. to buy breakfasts and lunches for the week. I hit the reduced meat bonanza: 1 pkg Beef Flank steak kit, 5 - 1.5# pcks Natural Angus ground meat, 1 pk - 1.5# Extra Lean ground meat, 5 - 3+ lbs ground meat, 6 - 1.5# pks ground meat, 3 pks chicken hearts and 1 pck chicken necks - all for $37.46 or $1.00/lb for meat. THANK YOU JESUS! I will make some meatloafs and salisbury steak to put in the freezer for families who have illness, etc, some ground meat will go to families in need. One friend and I will swap some ground meat for her farm fresh eggs. Sorry guys but the chicken hearts are all mine. LOVE THEM!!
God and I have been at odds over some things happening in my life and I have allowed the whispers of satan to override God's truth. When I hit the meat bonanza this morning, God showed me that in spite of my acting like a brat, He still loves me, He cares about my needs and He knows my hurt heart will heal.
I love you Lord!
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